Never Compromise on Your Goal

If you couldn’t aim for the best, should you settle for the second?

Have you encountered a situation where you couldn’t aim for what you want, and finally you decided to aim lower? These are the examples when one aim lower: “I am bad on exams, I think a D grade is fine for me”, “I couldn’t afford for an overseas trip, a domestic getaway shouldn’t be bad also”. By lowering your standard, is it able to make you satisfied? Does it let you easier to achieve your goal?

By aiming low arguably will make things getting uncomplicated. As nobody in this world is perfect, it also makes one realize that what makes one incapable. It also cancels the suffering that one needs to pass through to achieve goals. Imagine one doesn’t need to work hard to save up for vacation and could buy anything one wishes. Doesn’t it sound good?

It sounds good as one doesn’t need to work hard. However, it means that one gives up on his/her bottom line. It leads to some effects: everything just goes with the flow, agreeable and could be affected easily, and less option in the long term.

Just Go With The Flow

When a worker gets a low salary, just let it be. When a kid is bullied by his peer, the kid just let it go. When one thinks that go with the flow will bring a miracle, it is dubious to actualize it. As everyone has a habit, the same manner in a similar situation will likely generate a similar result. Unless one is not compromise with the current situation, it is improbable for one to have a better living condition.

Over Agreeable and Easily Affected

Imagine when a guy stopped trying hard to achieve what he wants, he will follow the crowd. He will pursue his life expediently. May be the guy is disagreeable to the people surrounding him, while he is easily affected by the social norm. In a sense, his life path is indirectly controlled by society.

Less Future Option

The most significant consequences when one compromises goal is future choice. Some compromise because of the fear of failure and rejection. When one failed after trying several times, one may stop aiming at what one wishes. When one has compromised, plans and goals are getting further away. In the end, it will lead one to have a discontent life.

Therefore, never easily giving up on what you own and what you wish. Every time you let go, every time you will lose something. If you never compromise on what you want, the world will compromise on you.

“If you never compromise on what you want, the world will compromise on you.”

Are you willing to be persistent on your goal, or let yourself live in regret?

Continue or Change?

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When you have committed yourself on the wrong choice, should you continue or change?

There are countless choices that we could decide in our lives, the place where we work, the partner that we choose, the school where we study, the book that we read, etc. One has to make choices when the time has come, even one hasn’t ready to make a choice. Our daily life has been a result of a myriad of choice that was done previously.

The consequences of the choice sometimes cost one a committed responsibility. The responsibility could be in commitment. If a high-school graduate has chosen to attend college, one must dedicate 3-4 years to graduate. If one decides to work overseas, one needs to get used to living in a different social culture.

It is undeniable to make some mistakes, not an exception for choice also. Sometimes one regret about the previous choice that has been done after having committed oneself several years on study, relationship, or anything else. The issue arises when one doesn’t want to change because one has invest time on the choice.

Other than investing time, some also afraid of the uncertainty that is induced from the change. Overall, it is harder to change than remain in the current state, although it may not be beneficial for one in the long run. After understanding the concern, how does one evaluate the need to change or remain in the same condition?

The choice done has been passed is past actions. It is not wise to consider past decisions into future factors. Therefore, if the benefit gotten by staying in the same condition is better than the change based on future consideration. It’s alright to have remained in the current situation.

Human as an emotional creature sometimes will make decisions based on the emotions over rational. It doesn’t mean that selecting a choice based on rationality is always better. However, don’t let your emotion, rationality, and past as the only reason for your choice. It is better to have a balance of emotion and rationality when making a choice. Doesn’t it make people wonderful by having the ability of thinking and feeling together?

Life is constantly changing, change yourself before life changes you.

What choice that you did that requires a change?

Dealing With Insecurity

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How do you deal with insecurity?

“I scared my boyfriend will break up with me …”, “I think I am not smart enough…”, “I fear I’m gonna lose my current job…” are some examples of insecurity that is faced by people. Everyone has different experiences that lead to insecurity. The insecurity in one’s heart formed due to life circumstances that one faced.

If no action is done to solve insecurity, it will be rooted in one’s life chronically. Insecurity will form a periodical cycle where one will keep repeating oneself on the exposure. If one focuses on the insecurity inside one’s heart, one will be continuously haunted by it. Moreover, it will slowly erode one’s motivation and self-esteem. To solve the problem, one needs to know what is the root of insecurity. There are several ways to resolve this problem.

Changing of Attitude

The changing of attitude will gradually change people’s view of one’s insecurity. Other than that, one will reconsider whether the insecurity matters him/her or not.

A shy girl is teased by her peers because of her personality. She should not feel upset and demoralized. Conversely, she should be smiling and proud of her appearance. People will think that she is confident herself and not interested in teasing her anymore. Finally, people will stop teasing her while alleviating her insecurity eventually.

Avoidance of Cue

Most insecurities are triggered by cues. It leads one to recall some awful experiences. To stop oneself fell into the cycle, one needs to avoid/ignore it.

An overweight guy may be concern about his weight. To avoid the cure, he should avoid going to a shopping mall. In result, he will not be tempted to eat at his favorite outlet. Other than that, he should stop opening the food promotion on social media or advertisement. From the avoidance, he may reduce his insecurity by eating more healthy food.

Challenge Your Insecurity

However, the previous solutions are only a short-term solution, while a long-term solution is needed. One needs to challenge insecurity by action and it takes times and efforts to overcome. The hardest is the insecurity will repeat once one has failed to overcome it.

If a guy is insecure about his career because of his grade, he should rethink reason that why he afraid. Is it his grade, his career, or other reasons? After knowing the reason, one needs to take action to change it.

If the reason is the grade, he needs to change his habit. He should not cram on the day before the exam or hang out with friends before it. He may also need to change his study style also. If the reason is worrying about career, he needs to set the target based on his capability. For whatever reason, he needs to set actions and plans to transform himself.

In the end, the one who mainly able to solve the insecurity is ourselves. Sometimes when we are hopeless because of our insecurity, we tend to ask our friends and families to help. Although they will eagerly provide solutions for you, this issue won’t solve by asking their opinion. If you are willing to change it, take whatever action to stop it. If you really cannot change the circumstances that make you insecure, let it go is also a wise option. Sometimes there is a lot of things that you can let go in this life.

What are you going to do to deal with insecurity?

The Power of “No”

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Is it hard to say “No” when others asking you for doing something that harms you?

Imagine a fresh graduate has just secured a job. With his salary, he could barely survive with a decent lifestyle. One day after his tiring work, his friend called him to ask for a meet up on the weekend. Subsequently, this guy was meeting his friend in a café in a shopping district. After chit-chatting for a while, his friend was suddenly recommending insurance for him.

Initially, he was trying to reject him because he knows that insurance does not apply to him. Moreover, based on his income, paying insurance is definitely will increase the financial burden. However, his friend is begging him and finally threaten him on their friendship. Finally, he signed his insurance contact hesitantly and making him unable to save money. Would he sign the contract if the one who offers is a stranger?

One may be more reluctant to say “No” to the person that one closes with, such as friends and families. It is due to fear and guiltiness to people around us. On the other hand, it will be easier for one to ignore some strangers and acquaintances. The less emotional burden and courage are required to reject them compare to someone close with you.

Close friends and families definitely have a more significant effect on oneself than acquaintances and strangers. The paradox arises when one is more reluctant to say ‘No’ to close friends and families. One is more likely to be harmed seriously because of the reluctance of saying ‘No’.

There are a lot of things that in our real life that need us to say ‘No’. There are some benefits by saying ‘No’ at the right moment . One is not only benefitted in the long run but also able to keep your dignity and integrity. An official initially will enjoy the bribery that other gives. After several years, people will see him/her as a corruptor and believe this person is controllable by money.

It requires strength for one to disagree to the person with a higher social status than us, such as parents, teachers, and bosses. Sometimes it is shown a sign of disobedience, but appropriately saying ‘No’ will make them have respect on oneself.

To sum up, people will tend to think that agreeing to other people will improve the relationship for one another. However, sometimes by agreeing on something that will harm you, it will not benefit yourself and will ruin your relationship. Hence, one needs to disagree appropriately to protect oneself.

The ability to disagree is an essential element for one to take control of oneself.

How to balance your agreeable and disagreeable traits?

Comparison, A Double-Edge Sword

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Are you satisfied by comparing yourself to others?

Nowadays, the first thing that most do after wake up is not doing face washing and having their first meal, but to check what’s happening on social media. When one skims through Instagram stories, one may think why other people have a decent lifestyle. When one reads LinkedIn posts, one may believe that everyone has outstanding career and achievements. While one opens YouTube videos, one may wonder how these people are successful and influential.

Nowadays, the first thing that most do after wake up is not doing face washing and having their first meal, but to check what’s happening on social media. When one skims through Instagram stories, one may think of why other people have a decent lifestyle. When one reads LinkedIn posts, one may believe that everyone has an outstanding career and achievements. While one opens YouTube videos, one may wonder how these people are successful and influential.

It seems like everyone is capable of doing something in different aspects. Some are better in socializing, while others have a better understanding of specific topics. Consequently, one will compare oneself with what other persons have, especially the thing that one doesn’t own. Poverty leads one to admire a well-off person. An orphan may envy to others that still can live together with their families. Other than admiring on something that one doesn’t own, there are other causes why people tend to compare.

Human subconsciously has the underlying tendency to be dominant. One who acts dominantly tend to place oneself in the higher hierarchy in the social circle. One will act more confident with the dominancy one has. That leads one has the underlying tendency to compare one with another, to verify one’s status in the social circle.

Comparing with other people will bring several benefits to people. In a way, it will reflect what we are bad at by showing what other people do. From the imperfection, one could try to rectify the mistake one has done, that leads to self-improvement. On the other hand, other people’s virtue will aspire one to have a direction.

However, the downfall of comparing oneself with others is far worse than the benefit given. One does not have a sense of fulfillment by keeping oneself inside the ‘rat race’. When one struggling and win the ‘rat race’, one still become a ‘rat’ and compete on another race, and it will form a race cycle until one realizes when to go out from the race. Moreover, social media presence exacerbates the downfall. By comparing and giving attention to other people, it will waste one’s time significantly and does not bring any happiness.

Comparing with one another have their own positive and negative aspects. Over comparing with others will significantly eroding confidence and make life more miserable. With the correct way of comparison, it will become a driving force for one to grow.

By comparing oneself appropriately, one will be self-aware and grateful for what one has.

How to compare yourself appropriately with others?

The Process of Addiction

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Do drug users realize they are addicted in the initial phase?

Addiction, a word that commonly implies a negative connotation, is one’s symptom that could not stop performing activities that harmful to oneself. This symptom sticks with one since young. Although some are beneficial, most addictions will bring a hindrance that leads to a correct path.

There is various type of addictions. According to the consequences brought, some generate mild effects, while some result in more severe effects. However, every individual reacts distinctively. A dipsomaniac may think that daily consumption of alcohol is reasonable. On the other hand, a naïve kid may perceive it as a taboo action. Why the reactions are different?

Experience plays a huge role in shaping how one reacts. As people favor assurance, it is common to avoid uncertainty. A naïve kid has been taught by his teacher that alcohol will bring a harmful effect. As a consequence, he might not dare to try drinking alcohol because of fear. On the other hand, a dipsomaniac consumes alcohol regularly, where one has experienced it comfortably.

However, this uncertainty also brings benefit to human. The fear on new experience is an effective mechanism to counter the addiction. One will try to resist trying the prohibited action because of the fear of uncertainty.

To initiate the addiction, one has to be triggered by pressure, reward, and the environment. For instance, a guy is considering smoking because of peer pressure from his friends. Initially, this guy may think to resist it. When the pressure has overcome the resistance, the guy will start to smoke. Initially, he tries to adapt on the cigarette smell. Then, little by little, he will get the pleasant feeling from the cigarette. From the pleasant feeling, he got the rewards and slowly changing his attitude towards smoking. The moment the resistance is eroded, that is when the addiction takes place.

Therefore, most are unaware of the process of addiction. To counter addiction, one is suggested to rethink again before starting an action. Other than that, one needs to have the courage to say no. When one says yes for a bad stuff because of the pressure given, it means that one does not have confidence on oneself. To conclude, before starts an action, think for the consequence and believe in own decision.

Think and believe before addiction control ourselves.”

What will you do to prevent yourself from addiction ?

A Genuine Compliment

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When you encountered a compliment, what do you feel?

As humans are social creatures, social interaction occurs once one meets the other. Every day we are meeting people with different conversation topics. From the people that we meet, there are infinite ways of how people converse. While one always cheerfully and optimistically leading the conversation, while the counterpart is quietly playing a listener role in the settings. People interact differently with each other due to the personality difference.

It is undeniable that sometimes one will meet some new faces in a social setting. For one to develop a good impression, one is likely to make a friendly move to another. One method to make a good impression is through the compliment. Through compliment, people will be validated and feel respected. For one to maintain a good relationship, compliments are an essential element.

Conversely, the situation changes if the compliment is not authentic, although the one who received praise will accepting it gracefully. This action will give an impression of one does not speak truthfully. To compliment people occasionally, it will make you have a lot of friends. However, I believe that it is not the correct ingredient for maintaining a long-last friendship in the long run.

Imagine that you meet up with one friend when you are doing something, and you are not doing well on it. Ironically, your friend keeps complimenting on the thing that you did. On one side, you won’t feel complimented. On the other side, your friends will feel guilty of not giving a genuine compliment. Overall, it won’t improve the relationship through this surface conversation.

The compliment is applicative when one meets a new person. It will make the person having a good impression on you. One that tends to compliment people a lot and know when to compliment usually are more likable and have more friends. To improve with the genuine compliment, one will even become more likable than before.

For one who is not often to compliment, one may start to appreciate other people’s work. From there, one will be positively looking at the bright side. Naturally, it is not hard to compliment people eventually. In overall, the world will become a better place by giving a genuine compliment to each other.

“A genuine compliment is what you need for a better relationship.”

What kind of compliment that you would give to the person around you?

A Legacy to Leave

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What legacy do you want to leave in your life?

When one reads a newspaper, one may read about the decease of a popular figure. In this news, it will inform some of the past accomplishment that has been done by this prominent figure. One achievements is associated with one’s identity . For instance, when a pop star passed away, the news will start to talk about past albums and awards. If the figure is a politician, it will talk mention contribution to the country. What are the similarities of these figures?

One definite similarity that these people have is the legacy that they left. These people are doing something that impacts people, regardless of whether it is positive or not. One gave their contribution to education, while another brought a remarkable advancement in the industry. There was a myriad of contribution people brought in this world, that makes them honorable.

To leave a legacy, these people often spend a lot of time in creating something great. For instance, a scientist may spend 20 years to discover a brand new invention. A singer may compose more than 100 songs before he/she hits the billboard. An athlete may exercise 10 hours a day for several years to become a champion. One often put effort to leave a legacy, and often public only see the result without seeing the efforts one puts behind the scene.

From the examples, one may think that one must have an achievement to leave a legacy. Conversely, one doesn’t have to leave a legacy based on achievement. A mother toils restlessly to raise her children. A soldier may sacrifice his life to protect his country. A nurse stands in the front line for her patients. From here, one can see that there is always a reason behind an action.

Sooner or later, one will work when one grows up, regardless of one likes his/her works. The concern arises when one only do the work that he/she has without any reason. It leads one just working solely for survival. Indirectly, it is wasting life, by working blindly five days a week and enjoying life without any direction for the rest of the week. After ten years, while nothing was achieved. Doesn’t it sound like one has wasted ten years?

It is fine for one to have a normal expedient life, and it is unnecessary to be a popular figure. However, it is vital to have a reason in our life. It makes us not wasting our precious lives. When we are getting older, at least we do not have any regret. Hence, if there is a reason, there will be a legacy left in our lives. If there is no reason, there is no meaning and eventually nothing that left.

“A legacy left in one who with a why.”

What is the reason to keep you going in your life?

Embracing Yourself

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Are you grateful for being yourself?

As a human, every person is possessed with strengths and weaknesses. One enjoys being a great chef that could simply make any dishes, another don’t even know how to use a rice cooker. One could energetically run 10km every day, while another is struggling to do any type of workout. Hence, there is always something that we are excel at, while it is impossible to be better at everything than another.

In this competitive world, society implicitly establishing a scorecard for everyone where every aspect can be measured by numbers. For instance, the salary that you get, IQ and EQ results, certificates that prove one’s skills, etc. This scorecard has been implanted into our minds since we are young subconsciously. This scorecard is mainly formed based on a person’s social upbringing, that leads to different assessment to another.

The application of this inherent scorecard is not only used for assessing others but also applies to ourselves. If a person is confident, he/she may give a relatively higher score to him/herself. Conversely, one with low confidence will likely to give a relatively low score to oneself. The low score is due to the lack of self-understanding and self-acknowledgement, that leads one to not believing oneself.

The lack of self-understanding is formed due to over-focus on other people achievements. It leads to one not focusing on one own’s life. To counter it, find something that one wants to improve. Constant improvement will lead one to highlight the strength. Another solution is to find an activity that one enjoys doing. Usually, a person will enjoy the task that he/she good at and vice versa.

Another reason is due to the lack of self-acknowledgement. As everyone has their weaknesses, it is essential to embrace every part of ourselves. One may try to hide what they cannot do, another may be bragging over the mistake that has been done before. These actions are the example of lack of self-acknowledgement. When one has self-acknowledgement, one would happily accept whatever one has, including the weakness.

Last but not least, nobody is born perfect. Moreover, although someone may be better in certain things compared to you, you are also better than certain things compared to other people. In other words, everyone is unique ,and it is necessary to have faith in ourselves. We need to embrace our strength and weakness to be happy in any situation of life.

“The moment one embraces oneself, the moment one has a peaceful life.”

Are you embracing yourself in any situation?

“Real” Connection

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Do you feel that your connection to people is “real”?

Unprecedently, we are living in an era that is most connected in entire mankind history. In this digital era, social media plays a notable role in our daily lives. One after wake up is opening social media, one may subconsciously open Instagram or Facebook when one is bored. One plays an online game with friends while commuting. Social media seems like the only leisure option for most people until it seizes most people’s time without realizing. What causes people enticed to it?

After one open his/her phone, One may effortlessly know what his/her buddies doing at the moment by just clicking several buttons. Moreover, one may imply the relationship of one with another easily by just opening a social media platform. Because of one’s curiosity, one may open a search engine to find something that one curious. The convenience that social media bring sometimes makes one ignore the interaction with real people.

The ignorance is due to the comfort that social media offers. When one meet new people and could not have a common topic, one may be tempted to play phone to reduce one’s boredom. When one is stressed out to the task given, one may open Facebook to see what others currently doing. It indirectly results in people become more reluctant to know each other in real life. However, the comfort zone itself is not enough for people to stick into social media.

In human interaction, human needs social validation that nowadays is shown vividly in social media. In the human evolutionary point of view, human needs to help each other to survive. In the modern world, this needs has shifted towards social media, where it becomes the center of attention and validation. Social media could also validate one faster than in the real world. Where the validation comes faster and easier, will it result in any inherent consequences?

People are perceived based on the image on social media, that sometimes differs from the real world. Additionally, it will make people pursue “fake” connection, where one interacts with others is only based on the “social media” basis. Occasionally, one will sacrifice things in the real life such as money and relationship to beautify the image in social media. The connection that one acquires is also based on the “fake” image that one presents in the social media. People will care more about their social media identity than their real identity.

Social media undeniably provides comforts and validation to people. However, one should not show something that is not authentic to other people. If one hopes to make a meaningful relationship, one should control one’s reliance on it. By controlling one reliance of it, one will be more contented in life with the presence of social media.

“With the right attitude, social media definitely bring a constructive impact on people.”

How do you build a “real” connection by using social media?