Discomfort, A Growth Process

Why discomfort makes one grow faster mentally?

Having an unpleasant experience most probably could be an action that most people try to avoid. Other than it would make one getting frustrated, some significant unpleasant event may create a bad memory or even causing a trauma. However, why discomfort make people grow?

Discomfort is a feeling of uneasiness, anxiety, and unpleasantness. When one has encountered discomfort, one would subconsciously try to escape from the discomfort zone. Discomfort feeling is necessary to counter the human nature of survival. With these feeling, one could avoid being end up in a bad situation.

However, if one is constantly avoiding the discomfort zone, it will reduce the capability to handling risk. As one getting risk-averse, one could avoid any opportunity that requires the risk. Positively, the one who has stayed in the discomfort zone will aim for stability in their life. On the other way, it could stop one to grow.

The constant exposure to discomfort events can eventually improve the resilience towards adversity. A runner may be feel exhausted although he has practice running for a period. However, the trained runner distinct oneself from others from the stamina. A runner could be running at a faster speed and longer distance compared to the others.

To conclude, exposing oneself to discomfort circumstances will eventually train one to be resilient towards challenge and adversity. If one complete a more challenging task, one could be likely to achieve success in one’s field. One may not eliminate the discomfort feeling, by constant exposure to discomfort undoubtedly would make oneself withstand it and grow.

“One may not eliminate discomfort. By getting used to it, one could be resilient towards adversity.”

What is the discomfort obstacle that you want to overcome?

A Fragile Persona

Why an inconsistent persona makes one getting fragile emotionally?

Persona, an individual identity, is a character that delivers from a person to his/her environment. Because of a multitude of personality and characteristic, everyone has a persona that distinguishes one from the others. From the persona, one subconsciously hopes others to perceive oneself from the way one presented to others.

Due to one needs to be accepted by society, one’s persona sometimes differs from the real identity. The differences are worsened by social media makes one tries to share how perfect life is and what kind of achievement one had. In a way, it shows what a person cares about not only from social media but also from the way one socialize.

When one aims ideally towards a persona, it could make one changes into a better way. Positively, one could aim for the best to have that ideal persona. A hardworking student is trying his best to achieve a better grade. A novice singer rehearses regularly to have the hope of becoming a rising star. The difference between a persona and oneself motivates oneself to pursue an identity that resembles one’s ideal persona.

On the other hand, while one is over-obsessed on a persona while not working towards it in their real life. It will generate hiatus between an identity that one tries to shape and the inner self. It is an issue particularly for people under other’s attention, such as politicians, artists, influencers, etc. It doesn’t mean that it will not happen to an ordinary person.

If one could pay less attention to what other people thinks of oneself. The persona that one delivers would have a less obvious hiatus with the inner self. Human needs status and validation for their psychological needs. It would be challenging to integrate their persona with the inner self, especially since the persona is formed from a series of dishonest actions.

One should try to integrate the ideal persona that one wishes to be with the action. Moreover, one should not promote a fake persona. Other than it would generate an adverse psychological impact, it would also intoxicate others into aiming an astray persona. Therefore, a robust persona is a way to get self-validation and self-actualization.

“A persona is ideal, but do not let the ideal destroy your emotional state.”

What kind of persona do you have? Is it the real persona that you wish?

Expertise and Blindliness

Would you be outsmarted in an unfamiliar situation?

When buying a computer, renting a house, or purchasing a stock, one requires understanding and expertise to do the action. Therefore, engaging an expert in problem-solving could also help one to decide the correct decision. With their support, one could have a better understanding of what is going on.

With a specialized skill, an expert can deliver an unforeseen problem to affect the decision. The rationale behind this is the trained mind of the expert to look for the main specification/issue. With a piece of wise advice, it would generate an optimal benefit for the advisee.

However, it is possible that the person that one looked for advice providing a piece of cunning advice to maximize his/her benefit. For instance, a salesperson will try to harness his understanding of the product to persuade his client to buy more expensive items. A house agent may be using his social skill to get a higher rental price.

Therefore, one needs to be more careful in putting trust into an expert. Moreover, confirmation of benefit alignment among two parties before the service providing is required. If the situation is improbable, several solutions could be done to make sure the issue is solved.

Engaging several experts and comparing the advice can be done to integrate the advisee understanding of the issues. To compete, the expert would provide the best possible services that benefit both parties. The impedance would effectively let the expert help solving the problem.

If one faces the problem chronically, raising the degree of competency would tackle the issue. In other words, learn a new skill that will inevitably consume time and effort. Despite mastering an ability would be a challenge, it would lead a person out of competency blindness.

“A willful blindness can be solved by improving self-competence from learning with an expert.”

What is your long term issue that you always find others to help?

Vacation, A Relief or A Disaster?

Do you feel happy when you are on holiday?

Vacation, a haven from daily stress, has become a goal and dream for most people. One could imagine laying down in a beach chair drinking lime juice. Another could contemplate enjoying a historical site in a new environment. Vacation undeniably has become a haven to recharge oneself into an optimal state.

An individual has a preferred style of holiday. One enjoys rushing to various places in a city for taking pictures to upload into social media. Another enjoys conversing with new people while strolling around the local hawker centre while enjoying a slower life pace. Ideally speaking, the experience could be much better or worse. In terms of the negative aspects, what makes it goes wrong?

People formed up a significant factor of how one feels during a holiday. Both are difficult to achieve mutual satisfaction if there are different goals for the vacation. Imagine when one wants to go shopping in the free duty shopping, while another is looking forward to a culinary tour. The holiday that one dreamt has turned into a time, money, and emotional wastage only because of different goals.

Travelling following through a travel agent can save up a lot of time of planning. It is also a chance for meeting new people throughout the tour. However, one could often visit travel attractions that are overcrowded in a short period. Although several people are satisfied going through a tour agency, it could be troublesome for some who don’t get used to rushing.

Improper planning also contributes to the possible chaotic vacation experience. When one is planning improperly, one could not maximize experiences that one wishes before the departure. Moreover, after one has reached the location, one may not know where to go and encountered some issues that can be eliminated through planning.

Various people have their predicament during the holidays. In the end, making a consensus with others and proper planning could prevent us to encountered some unnecessary issues. While incorporating one’s travelling style with the mitigation action, one could have a memorable and meaningful holiday.

“Vacation can be a disaster or a relief depends on our actions.”

What action can you implement to make your vacation getting more meaningful?

Virtue Signaling vs Real Validation

What is the real motive of one doing virtue signaling? How does it divert one from real validation?

When one opens social media, it shows a multitude of sympathy actions to condemn and criticize inequality. These actions flocks when the news has started to announce something. When one does not even know what’s going on, one has immediately stated an opinion directly. The argument stated is more often unaligned with what one believes without a further understanding of the incident.

This phenomenon is called virtue signal, where one intends to show a positive image through a dishonest personal viewpoint. Despite the dishonesty, the action intentional. On the other hand, the expression is through willful ignorance.

Of course, one needs to be incentivized for the action, not exceptional for virtue signalling. One may feel good about spreading a positive influence to others. This action boosts one happiness through the sense of importance one has.

Another reason is the bandwagon effect, where people just merely following the crowd. To get accepted, following groups seems like a plausible action. This cognitive bias is an aftermath of human evolutionary behaviour, human as a social creature needs to have social proof.

What makes the virtue signal dangerous to the one who signals? First, it gives an impression of inauthentic to others, where the initial motive of getting validation makes one losing it. Second, the collective efforts of virtue signalling could alter society based on the intention of news spreader. In other words, one could manipulate another using another’s greed on validation.

The issue arises when one has set a persona that diverts from the real persona. When the persona is inconsistent, it could let people live in imagination and could push the signalman further from reality. The imbalance of imaginary and reality generate hiatus in personality.

From the above points, one may think that virtue signal is purely inducing negative impacts. However, at least it may increase social awareness and inspiring others. Therefore, if one could optimally harnessing it, one could get real validation and inspire other people.

Inspire on what you doinfluence others of what you mean.”

What is your action to prevent yourself from virtue signal?

The Ability of Storytelling and Experience

How does the ability of storytelling and experience correlated with social progression?

Converse with others formed as a part of the socialization process. Within the conversation, various topics are delivered concerning the situation and the person one talks. One may share recent events or complain about a recent complication among colleagues with close pals. One may discuss vacation planning for the upcoming family holiday with parents.

The basis of the conversation is mainly from what one experiences. If two individuals have vastly different experience in their life, they will hardly relate with each other during the conversation. Other than due to the domain dependency, it may reflect the life values that one believes in.

From a myriad of experience, one could tell a story subjectively of what one feels during the experience. Despite a single experience last ephemerally, it generates a reaction that will constitute one view towards an incident. With an ability to influence others, one will convey an opinion through storytelling.

Although a story from experience may bias, it provides an idea and picture of a single matter. One may subconsciously learn from one another through storytelling. Every individual could not get a chance to experience. Stories and legends work as guidance from one to another.

However, the effect of storytelling is not as memorable as experience. It also explains that why a fresh graduate may deem not as competent as experienced people. It may due to the lesson that one learns is not relevant to the industry demand. Therefore, to completely master a skill, one needs to have first-hand experience to solve situations.

Overall, storytelling and experience shape one’s skill and world view. Through both, one could develop in a direction. Collectively, it could improve the progression of society. To improve oneself, one needs to converse and experience novel things to make a better self.

“The ability of storytelling and experiencing results in a development of humankind.”

What kind of story and experience that forms your identity?

Dependency and Versatility

Why should less dependent on a single component? Why should diversify the dependence on others?

As social creatures, humans are helping each other to enjoy a better life. When one has born, almost every things that one consumed based on the labour of others. On a bigger scale of the picture, what one enjoys is collectively the hard work and support from society.

Based on the statement, one can be dependent on society to survive. As one may have physical and emotional needs, one could depend on a person more heavily than another. For instance, an employee is more dependent on the employer; a boy is more dependent on his mom, or even a supplier is more dependent on his customers.

The over-reliance on a person or object induces consequences. The over-reliance nurtures one’s indolence on complacency, which make one getting sluggish and relying other people on solving a problem that solved by oneself. Another consequence of the over-reliance is the instability towards any changes that will affect the thing that one relies on others.

The complacency from the over-reliance will make one comfortable initially. When one is getting used to it, one will form behaviour of taking the assistance for granted and believe other people will solve it. When one is forced to solve the same issue in the future, one might not solve it and humiliate oneself in front of people. This issue happens commonly in a family that is spoiling their child. When the child has grown up, this issue is intensified and hardly the solution.

Additionally, when one has over-reliance on a single source, it will create instability when the single-source has ceased to supply/solve the issue of one. For instance, a rich kid without any survival skills suddenly informed that his parents getting an accident. All of a sudden, he will be directionless and confused, other than grievance.

To counteract these issues, one should find a way to reduce reliance on others. Several solutions are suggested to mitigate it once one still has chances. If one is heavily dependent on a single source, try to find a solution by being independent or learning a new skill. When one could manage to solve problems and diversify the dependency to more people, one could be an independent individual.

“The more versatile you are, the less dependent you will be.”

What is your solution to reduce dependency on others?

Motivation and Intention Matters

Why motivation and intention matter the most when one aims for an objective?

Most people have tried to pursue aims and goals in their life. One is likely to have a motivation or intention to support an action. Here it comes with two questions. First, why one needs to have a motive or purpose when aiming at an objective? Second, why motivation must be sustainable and what is the effect if it is not sustainable?

Motivation or intention, a contemplation towards the end goals, has been fantasized by a human being. With a motive or purpose, no clear idea is generated. For instance, if one wants to have an intention to tackle the social issue in a city, one will try to find an approach or solution to reduce social inequality.

A motivation or intention is often affected by the family upbringing, social environment, and inspiration towards an ideal figure. As an emotional being, regardless of the rate of emotion expressed, the events or minor daily habits strengthen the motivation or intention.

In this fast-paced era, every society has set a standard of what is good. Motivation and intention can be easily affected by the outside world. The phenomenon worsened by the presence of the internet, which provides an unprecedented rate of connection that alters human nature in a way.
In a social norm, one motivation and intention formed where most people tend to have a similar goal.

Overall, it will drive society in a direction that could shape a reality based on an idea. With collective minds and efforts, this idea will navigate a person in a better way. Towards a goal, one should identify some flaws in the social norm.

Therefore, a sustainable motivation is required to generate a clear goal that can be pursued long term. What is a sustainable motive? A motive that still valid if one has failed to pursue a goal or objective. In a sense, when one fails to achieve a milestone, this motivation will keep one moving forwards.

How to check that one has a sustainable motivation? First, if one has pursued an aim that hated by oneself, but still does it because of a need to have social validation. If one has encountered such a problem, it is not a sustainable motivation. Second, the action based on the flawed purpose will have zero gain in oneself. In other words, despite one has worked hard towards a goal in a period, one still running on the same point.

It is very challenging for oneself to have the motivation and even a sustainable one. However, when one has it, one may not be thinking about what should be done and have a sense of control over one’s life. Therefore, towards a goal, sustainable motivation and intention matter the most. It does not only create a direction, but it also makes a life journey more meaningful.

“A sustainable motivation and intention matter the most to create a goal.”

What kind of motivation and intention you have for pursuing a goal? Does it sustainable?

Limited Edition Is Not Limited Anymore

How does one harness human behavior to make one spend more than what one needs?

In this modern world, it is getting easier for one to fulfill needs. With a developing economy, increasing productivity will make a society produce more product for fulfilling social needs. Along with the improvement of social affluence, it improves the overall social purchasing power.

To facilitate money spending, online shops are developing at an unprecedented rate. One could easily find a promotion when one has open an online store. From there, one could easily purchase anything that one wishes. With proper control of spending behavior, one could spend much more than one realized.

Other than impulsive spending behavior, online shop developer also harnessing human behavior to increase their revenue. There are several methods: the usage of credit card, introducing limiting edition items, and simplify the user interface.

The usage of credit card is essentially supporting the development of online shopping. Some products are more expensive than what people usually can afford. A credit card enables one to trade off future purchasing ability with the current earning ability. With countless deals, credit card usage let people believe in their future payback ability, which is overrated.

Human is interested in something valuable. In other words, people find something limited is more precious and valuable. The seller is harnessing the buyer mindset of wanting to have a rare item, which is a limited edition. Due to the over-promotion of limited edition, products that supposed to be scarce is not scarce anymore. Therefore, people still fell into a “limited edition” trap.

Simplifying and beautifying a user interface is harnessing people desires on enjoying the beautiful scenery. People will tend to buy a good-looking item. People desires for beauty is incorporated into the online shopping platform. The tendency of human to enjoy beauty can let people fell into the trap of shopping.

In the end, the development of online shopping platform facilitates people to fulfill their needs of buying. With a careful mindset, one could enjoy the convenience offered and benefits at the same time. With careful observation, one could prevent an unwanted issue from shopping.

What act you could do to prevent yourself fell into the traps?

The Benefit of Sharing Knowledge

Why should we share our knowledge with other people?

Facing an unfamiliar problem is a challenging task for most people, especially when it is not within the domain of competence. It is struggling when one may feel unrelatable when facing an unfamiliar situation or problem. For instance, when one doesn’t understand some unfamiliar topics.

Learning is necessary for one to overcome unfamiliarity. When one has spent the time to overcome it, one may think the solved problem is not that challenging. There are various ways to understand an issue, through a book, the Internet, or even asking people.

Here comes a question, why should we share our knowledge with other people? Personally speaking, there are several benefits of sharing our knowledge: improving and rectify concept, practising empathy, and improving a relationship.

First and foremost, improving and rectify our knowledge. By sharing knowledge with others, we will refresh and strengthen our understanding by teaching it to other people. Moreover, when one is trying to come with a question, it will sharpen our critical thinking. If we could not answer the question, it will make us try to improve our knowledge.

Secondly, if one has found a mistake in our arguments. one could quickly rectify it and clarify our concept. Additionally, one could be grateful and getting more confident by teaching other people. By forming a good habit of helping, it eventually makes the overall society getting better long term.

Lastly, the people that we share the knowledge tend to be grateful for what we share. It happens especially to the person who needs our help. Therefore, when we encountered a problem, the person we help may help us in the future. Given that the person that we assist is not taking our help for granted.

To conclude, the knowledge that we have may not last forever in our mind. To fully utilize knowledge by sharing it with others, and sharing is not merely caring only. By sharing knowledge, it does not only benefit yourself but also creating a better world.

Sharing knowledge is a beautiful way to make the world become a better place.”

What knowledge that you are most confident to share with other people?